A Few Words About Men and Women

“You husbands in the same way, live with {your wives} in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” - 1 Pet 3:7

Abigail Adams was said by John Adams to be his most “trusted advisor”. Despite the war for independence, terrible international politics, and becoming president… this remained true. Yet, she endured not seeing her husband for months at a time. In fact, during the first ten years of their life together John was away from her more than he was with her. John truly loved her, deeply. Yet the demands of life and labor took him away from her all too often. John and Abigail lost two of their children; one to cancer (daughter), and another to failures and drunkenness (son). In the later years they raised the children of their children, helping them deal with the repercussions of an absent father. Despite everything they had been through together as a couple, John and Abigail had some regrets about their children. But the matters with which they were engaged in, they both felt were critical and the forming of the American nation could not be ignored. Abigail endured long winters alone, plagues that ravaged their family and continual attacks from their enemies abroad and at home. Abigail was truly an amazing woman, there are few like her throughout history.

What an incredible woman. In our day and age, there are few women, or men, who could endure the age that John and Abigail lived through. I say this because if your wife is saying to you that you are not tending to her needs and the needs of your family, you should listen to her.

1. No woman signs up for raising children on her own.
2. All women need to be shown love (in a way they understand) and have a clear sense they are cherished by their husbands.
3. Most men can go long periods working and laboring over what they believe to be important, especially if they feel like they are accomplishing something good.
4. “Compelling” demands can cause men to allow the demands to direct and control their calendars.

My wife reminded me that if your wife has little of your time, her conversations will be tapered to accommodate this.

• 50 words in a day will only be about the critical things of the home and existence.
• 200 words a day will include critical things and things of necessity… little else.
• 500 words in a day will begin to include information about her and the children.
• 1000 – 1500 words will begin to include words of love and other elements we would like to hear.

This is illustrative of course, how many words it will take will depend upon the nature of your relationship, personality issues, etc. The point, of course, is that reduced time reduces quality communication and passionate exchanges. As husbands we tend to not realize the nature of our own self-destruction in marital relationships.

When you find yourself at odds with your wife, I have found that apologies work well when they are accompanied by strong actions of repentance.

1. Create a regular date night and stick to it.
2. Weed out the good and hold to the best.
3. Focus on and praise your wife for her finer qualities.
4. Avoid events that simply feed your ego and the sinful craving to be praised, admired, and coddled.
5. Focus on having your wife’s company being your preferred company.

Love her, and respect him.